So...here is my story. Since February when I learned that I had full scholarships to grad school I have been uneasy. It was my dream handed to me on a silver platter, yet I was never 100 percent excited, which always bothered me. But I knew I would regret not going and it was the best option. So I decided to go.
However, this summer I kept getting sick. I would get migraines and I just haven't felt like myself. I haven't been happy-go-lucky Heather. I just haven't felt like myself and I knew I wasn't in the best condition to go to school, but I still went.
After 4 days there, I was having panic attacks and I was throwing up a lot. I just knew I had to go home. It takes me months and months to make a decision. But one night I was staring at my computer and I thought, "What is most important to you RIGHT now?" It was easy: My mom and my sister. I just needed to be with them. I was exhausted...I did 4 years of college in 3 years, I have always had a job, I was overloading myself. I was mentally and physically run down and I knew that I needed to refresh. I didn't want grad school right now, it wasn't the right time. So I made my decision to defer for a year, so I have the possibility of starting grad school next September.
Once I made my decision, I was at such peace. I knew it was right. I knew I was doing what I needed to do. I drove 4 twelve-hour days and I finally arrived home. As I had my blinker on to turn into my mom and sister's apartment, my phone rang. It was my mom. She lost her job about 15 minutes before I arrived in Lacey. Yes...what a blow.
I have cried and cried and cried. I have thought over and over about how I wish things were easier. I have worried about how I will be able to handle this when I am already sick and overwhelmed. But I know I can. I am going to the doctor next week and hopefully that will help. Every single day I get so dizzy and nauseated I have to sit down or I almost pass out. Maybe it is just stress. I just need to de-stress. But I also need a job. My mom and I have to come up with money for rent and food because we had no savings left. So pray that I find a job.
I am so glad I am home. If I hadn't graduated in three years, if I hadn't come home, I wouldn't have been able to help my mom and sister. I really am so blessed and I know it. So everything will be ok...I just have to make it through this little rough patch.