Friday, September 12, 2008

Why I Moved Home

So...here is my story. Since February when I learned that I had full scholarships to grad school I have been uneasy. It was my dream handed to me on a silver platter, yet I was never 100 percent excited, which always bothered me. But I knew I would regret not going and it was the best option. So I decided to go.

However, this summer I kept getting sick. I would get migraines and I just haven't felt like myself. I haven't been happy-go-lucky Heather. I just haven't felt like myself and I knew I wasn't in the best condition to go to school, but I still went.

After 4 days there, I was having panic attacks and I was throwing up a lot. I just knew I had to go home. It takes me months and months to make a decision. But one night I was staring at my computer and I thought, "What is most important to you RIGHT now?" It was easy: My mom and my sister. I just needed to be with them. I was exhausted...I did 4 years of college in 3 years, I have always had a job, I was overloading myself. I was mentally and physically run down and I knew that I needed to refresh. I didn't want grad school right now, it wasn't the right time. So I made my decision to defer for a year, so I have the possibility of starting grad school next September.

Once I made my decision, I was at such peace. I knew it was right. I knew I was doing what I needed to do. I drove 4 twelve-hour days and I finally arrived home. As I had my blinker on to turn into my mom and sister's apartment, my phone rang. It was my mom. She lost her job about 15 minutes before I arrived in Lacey. Yes...what a blow.

I have cried and cried and cried. I have thought over and over about how I wish things were easier. I have worried about how I will be able to handle this when I am already sick and overwhelmed. But I know I can. I am going to the doctor next week and hopefully that will help. Every single day I get so dizzy and nauseated I have to sit down or I almost pass out. Maybe it is just stress. I just need to de-stress. But I also need a job. My mom and I have to come up with money for rent and food because we had no savings left. So pray that I find a job.

I am so glad I am home. If I hadn't graduated in three years, if I hadn't come home, I wouldn't have been able to help my mom and sister. I really am so blessed and I know it. So everything will be ok...I just have to make it through this little rough patch.

2 comments:

Havalah said...

Heather I'm so proud of you. I don't know how you do it, you are just amazing. Just so you know, I'm praying for you. Love you and you are such an amazing example to me.

Laura McGee said...

heather i am proud of you for following your heart and maing the best choice for you. I know you are a strong person and will make it through this. if you ever need any help just let us know, we arn't far :)
take care sweetie and hang in there.
laura